i keep hearing a lot about a game called deadlock.
it seems like everyone has been talking about it for months, and then for some reason got angry at the verge when they wanted to talk about it too. i’ll admit, i don’t know all the details. i just skim whatever headlines pop up on social media and don’t click any links because that’s how you get viruses.
while fantastic otherwise, my writing’s always been criticized as not being all that google-friendly. in the interest of capitalizing on a current SEO trend, i searched “deadlock” on mobygames and reviewed a bunch of the games it spat out. i hope one of them is the same deadlock everyone is playing.
deadlock (skunkape interactive, 2016, pc)
deadlock is a virtual reality game that’s still in early access. i don’t own a virtual reality headset because i’m poor and unemployed. according to one steam review, skunkape interactive abandoned deadlock development in 2018. sounds promising.
deadlock (lll games, 2021, pc)
deadlock is a puzzle game about deadlock, a situation that occurs in computers “when two or more processes wait for each other for resources occupied by another process.” it boils down to correctly scheduling the order in which circles access colored squares so as to avoid deadlock. deadlock the game provides little guidance but it’s easy enough to understand after one or two stages. the music sounds like something out of an alternate dimension mister rogers’ neighborhood.
deadlock (esmg_games, 2022, browser)
deadlock is a first-person shooter. the only place you can play it is on itch.io. it ran so poorly i couldn’t even destroy the tutorial watermelons with a machete from point-blank range. the video above leads me to believe this wasn’t normal and i don’t blame the developer. something is clearly wrong with my browser or itch.io‘s built-in unity utility.
deadlock: planetary conquest (accolade, 1996, pc)
deadlock: planetary conquest is a turn-based strategy game in the vein of civilization, with one big exception. while civilization is considered a 4X game wherein players can achieve victory through exploration, expansion, exploitation, and extermination, winning a deadlock campaign is confined to construction five city centers or driving every other colonist off the planet.
i’m not a huge strategy guy, but deadlock charmed even my indifferent heart with the eight alien races you can choose to lead at the start of every game. they range from bog standard human to the scorpion-like chch’t, the horny, tech-loving maug, and the shamanic uva mosk. every race is animated and voiced, both of which come into play as you begin sending insults and threats to your enemies.
the recent steam re-release is apparently difficult to get working on modern operating systems but i had zero issues with the gog version.
ratchet: deadlocked (insomniac games, 2005, playstation 2)
ratchet: deadlocked is the fourth entry in the original ratchet & clank series. sure, it’s not technically called deadlock but i’d never played it before so i figured why not.
as the name suggests, the franchise protagonist is on his own this time. clank plays back up as ratchet jumps, whacks, and shoots his way through deadly gladiatorial games in the lawless shadow sector. deadlocked plays like every other ratchet & clank release before it, with tight controls and evolving weapons.
i haven’t seen enough of the story to comment on the game’s narrative chops but the arguably outdated playstation 2 graphics are still charming almost 20 years later. very recommend.
after playing these games, i don’t really get what the deadlock hubbub is all about. i guess folks are just looking for any reason to be angry at journalists.
luckily, i am not a journalist, so please be nice to me. thank you.
tell them i died 